there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
