these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
