I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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