the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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