Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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