Cold hands, warm shart.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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