Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
