weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
