We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
