Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sobbing to NWA
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
