I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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