if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
