i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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