Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
