I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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