Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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