"it" just moved
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
