i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
