My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
