Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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