They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
