it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
