no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
