I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
