I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
