after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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