you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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