You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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