The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
