He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my being single is dangerous.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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