my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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