they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
