I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Randomize
