obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
