I faked an abortion last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize