when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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