I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
