Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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