Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
