just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
