I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
