Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
