dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
