and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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