Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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