I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is my gift to your gina
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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