She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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