Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
