I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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