Kiss
Puke
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
