Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
