I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
