I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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