Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
