I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
