At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize