i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize