I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
