your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
