He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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