You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
