I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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