Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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