She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize