The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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