it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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