did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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