the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
