U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
should my penis look like a turkey
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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