just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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