I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
