i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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