I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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