so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
