rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
