I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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